Thanking the critic instead of fighting it

Specialist CBT therapy for anxiety, OCD, depression and more in West London

Thanking the critic instead of fighting it can be one way of approaching a harsh inner voice. I’m Sanah Younis and I lead The Lyceum Clinic, a BABCP accredited CBT practice in West London. This reflection is not a diagnosis or a suitable exercise for everyone. Some people may find that a critical voice is linked to shame, trauma, low mood, anxiety or experiences of harm that need individual assessment and support. In sessions I may describe the inner critic as an attempt to protect against anticipated pain, embarrassment or loss. Rather than matching its volume with rebuttal, it can sometimes be useful to ask what it fears would happen if it stopped. This is not an instruction to accept every critical thought as true, to revisit trauma alone or to continue if reflection increases distress. The pace and focus should be individual. In therapy, a clinician may consider whether compassionate imagery, behavioural experiments or a different approach is appropriate. Such work should be planned together, with attention to consent, safety and access needs. It is not a self directed test from a blog. There can be a difference between taking responsibility for a choice and using criticism as punishment. Responsibility can include repairing something, setting a boundary, asking for help or making a practical plan. Punishment tends to turn a difficult moment into evidence that a person is wholly inadequate. That distinction can be important when the critical voice is persuasive, constant or tied to an impossible standard. It may also help to notice what happens before and after the criticism. Does it become louder around rest, success, conflict, uncertainty or comparison? Does it lead to overworking, withdrawal, reassurance seeking or a loss of pleasure? These observations do not prove a cause. They can make a conversation about support more specific and reduce the pressure to solve everything through self discipline. If reflection brings up traumatic memories, hopelessness, thoughts of harm or an inability to stay safe, stop the exercise and seek appropriate urgent support. The purpose of therapy is not to make someone more tolerant of harm or mistreatment. It is to understand the pattern in context and decide what support, safety or change may be useful, with space to reconsider when circumstances or needs change, rather than treating a hard moment as a final conclusion about the person. Help can be sought without first finding perfect words. If your inner critic is tiring you out, you don’t have to wrestle it alone. You can read the compassion focused therapy self criticism guide and the Clinical Guides library, or arrange a first conversation about whether CBT based support is appropriate in West London or online.